Thankfulness Thursday II

Hello, lovely humans - happy week two. :-) 

It's been a weird week, the kind that feels as though it's flown by and dragged on all at once. I still haven't gotten used to how short the days are, and this sunlight loving girl is not a fan. It seems like every day I find myself panicking because oh-my-goodness-the-day-is-almost-over-and-there's-still-so-much-to-do, and then I look at the clock only to find that no, it's just 5:15, and I need to calm the heck down.

In case you've ever wondered what my day-to-day life is like, well, there you go. 

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When I think about 2020, the very first thought that enters my head is that I would give just about anything to be done with it, to forget it ever happened. We've all been saying it for the past nine months, haven't we? We're counting down to 2021 with the desperate (if naive) hope that it will be better, ready to put this chaotic mess of a year behind us. 

It's kind of sad, really. I don't think anyone can be blamed for it - things have been rough, plain and simple. But it's sad, thinking about how a year - the start of a decade - that was entered into with so much enthusiasm has gone so south. 

That's not to say that there isn't gratitude to be found in the year - there is, and this challenge is really, really good for me, because it's making me think differently, to look harder and press deeper into gratitude. My thoughts on it all are tangled but numerous, and I'm glad that we still have a couple more weeks to keep going into it all. 

What stuck with me today, though, as I sat down to write this post, is how grateful I am for the moments of oblivion. Maybe oblivion isn't the right term - we're all a little too aware of everything this year, I think. But I'm exceptionally grateful for the small moments of normalcy that have been found amidst so much chaos, the moments in which the world didn't feel quite so terrible. Where maybe we weren't oblivious to everything happening, but it wasn't consuming. We could breathe. And maybe they've been few and far between, but wow, am I grateful for them. 

When I look back on this blog years down the road, and I wince as I select the 2020 tab, I want to remember the moments where, however unstable, things felt okay. When the magic of normalcy prevailed, even for a moment. 

It's the last day of February and we closed one of the most difficult shows of my life. By a stroke of pure magic, all of the people that I love most in the world are in one single place, and we dance on the empty stage and load cars in the freezing cold and snap a single terrible self timer photo that I'll cherish for the rest of my days. We hop from terrible fast food restaurant to terrible fast food restaurant and pack into a single car because there's nowhere else to sit, and we laugh until we cannot breathe. It's the best night of the year and I somehow know it, in that moment. 

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We know the lockdown is coming; it's just a matter of time. But my best friend and I are hired to dance, and the gig makes it through, exactly one week before all hell breaks loose. It's the last time I'm in a crowd, but I don't know it, not then. We get up at five and drive to the set and I pinch myself all morning. 

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Spring. I sit in the sun, and everywhere I look, there are blooms. 

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I drive and I drive, from the middle of nowhere one way to the middle of the mountains the other. I can't hug my kids, but I see them, and their surprised faces fill me for the rest of the week. 

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It's that hazy almost-summer-but-not-quite time of the year. Lawn chairs are spread out all over a friend's massive front yard, and we're so thrilled to be together that the whole six foot thing couldn't matter less.

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For the first time in almost three months, I dance, with the most wonderful choreographer in the world. We work for hours and don't even care how late it gets because we're dancing again, and it's a piece of the puzzle we've missed so desperately.

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The sun goes down in the distance as we sit in the grass, worshipping. This park has become our new second home, and as I close my eyes, I feel lighter than I have in a long, long time.

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June. The skies are clear and it's a miracle I don't spend the whole day weeping. When it's finally over, we spend hours laughing in the dark, sitting in our dresses and heels in a friend's driveway. 

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The flowers probably constitute as weeds, but we pick them anyways. We walk in circles around the pond, the July sun beating down as we twist the stems and talk. 

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We haven't been to the pool in years, but this is a summer smells like chlorine and is sweetened with friendship. It's a routine that becomes therapeutic, and for a few hours the water washes the world away.

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I turn twenty and I am overwhelmed by love, fuller than I knew I could be.

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The twinkle lights glow as we sit on the back porch for one of the last times of the summer. A new season is beginning and people are going and the last thing I'm ready for is more new, but for a moment nothing is new and I hold on to it. 

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We drive up into the mountains for apples, something I haven't done in years. The leaves are only beginning to change, and the drive is only an hour, but it feels like an adventure. 

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I sit on the empty beach, completely surrounded by shells, and realize that I can't remember the last time that my body held this little tension. I've been here for a week and am overwhelmed by peace that I didn't know could still be felt. I think to myself that I could stay in this very spot for the rest of my days and it would be enough.

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The sky is still a deep indigo, but the horizon line is beginning to glow towards the east. I wrap myself in a blanket and slip out the door, the porch boards creaking under my bare feet. I sink into the old rocking chair and stare out at the sky as it slowly comes to life with color - pinks and oranges and golds. And as I stare at the sky, it's in this oblivion that I can breathe.

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Thankfulness Thursday Friends ♥

Keira -- Close to Nothing

Melody -- Down the Rabbit Hole

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In case you missed it...

Thankfulness Thursday I

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What are you grateful for this week, friends? I'd love to hear. And hey - I'd love for you to join in the Thankfulness Thursday challenge. Be sure to drop a link in the comments if you do - I'd love to share it, and I'd love to see it. ♥  Check out the beautiful posts above, or head over to my instagram to see some of the incredible humans joining in over there on my story - I love them all so dearly.