Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Hello, Senior Year


I have had so much trouble writing this post. 

I've come back to this document time and time again over the course of the last four days, and here I am, on Wednesday, when this post is supposed to be published, still unsure of how to get the words out.

This post has been on my calendar for a month, yet I still don't know what to say and how to say it.

And honestly, I think it's because I still don't know how to feel.

Tomorrow is the first day of senior year. 

The final first day of high school. The culmination of the last eleven years.

Senior year.

The year that I've been looking up at for as long as I can remember. The seniors were always so intimidating, and now all of a sudden...I'm one of them. It doesn't feel like I should be here yet. I still feel like that quiet freshman, not someone who's old enough to drive and get a job and choose a college. I guess it's just weird to know for years that something's coming, and to finally be there.

It's almost like even though you know in your brain that yes, senior year is a part of life, you almost don't expect it to come. Which makes no sense, but it's the best way I know to describe it. I would say that in a way it feels right, because I've gone through the last three years, I've made it to this point, but it still doesn't. Maybe it's one of those things that you just have to get used to.

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I've always dreaded the thought of senior year coming. Whenever my friends would sigh and talk about how they were just so ready to graduate and be done, I would laugh and nod. Inwardly, however, I would think, I'm not. The thought of having to leave my safety bubble and go out into a whole new environment filled with new people and new experiences has always scared me to death. I'm a creature of habit. I hate change with everything in me, and graduating brings on every change imaginable.

And yet at the same time..I'm getting closer to being okay with it. Don't worry I'm still terrified. I haven't undergone a complete personality alteration. But I mean...everything changes constantly, whether you graduate or not. This summer has been full of things changing, and so honestly, graduating won't be a massive difference. It will be different, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it won't be horrible and it won't be the end of the world. It will hold lots of new things, scary things, but also really good things. Opportunities and experiences. So for now I'm trying to focus on that. Which is totally just my way of avoiding thinking about all of the things and people I'm going to miss like crazy, but y'know, it works.

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I honestly don't know what this year is going to look like. I'm sure that it will be busy, and I'm sure it will be stressful, and there's a high likelihood that I'm going to be a nostalgic mess. But I really don't know all of the specifics yet, which is strange for an obsessive planner like myself. It's been kind of hard not knowing and having things change and whatnot, but I'm doing my best to just wait and see what the year has to hold. And naturally, me being me, I'm setting goals for myself. Whether or not I'll actually reach them, I don't know yet, but I'm going to set them. Maybe I'll do a post on that later? We'll see. But I'm trying to stay calm, and stay positive, and be excited. After all, senior year only happens once. And even if it doesn't meet a single one of my expectations, and even if it's a hot mess, train wreck of a year, I want to be excited, and I want to enjoy the year. I don't want to put so much pressure on anything that it stresses me out like crazy. I guess that's my biggest thing. I don't want to look back on senior year and just remember how stressful it was, y'know? I want to be able to have good memories of the year. 

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So here I am. Nervous and curious and wondering and excited and ready. As ready as I'll ever be, anyways. I'm thinking of following in Rachel's footsteps and doing a senior year updates series ever so often, if y'all would be interested in following along. I'm sure that it's going to be an adventure. 

Hello, Senior Year. Let's do this. 

44 comments:

  1. YES PLEASE DO A SENIOR YEAR UPDATES POST :)

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  2. I know exactly what you're going through and its like you took the words right out of my head. I recommend just focusing on the present. Don't dwell on what's to come or what has passed. Near the end, you will look back and it will be emotional. I don't typically cry at things like this, but I cried the day I graduated. Like you, I like knowing what's next and having a detailed plan. This was a huge moment that really shook me. At some points I felt ready and other times I wanted to just hide under the covers and not get up, as if that would prevent it from coming.

    It was a bittersweet moment, but God has plans for you. He will lead you to where you're meant to go. Just live in the moment, make great memories, and enjoy everyday. And when its over, remember that God is with you.

    If you ever need advice or want to talk about senior year, I'm open. :)
    Good luck and enjoy yourself.

    ~Ivie
    iviewrites.blogspot.com

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    1. Oh my goodness, we sound like the same person, Ivie! Thank you SO much for taking the time to encourage me so. I really appreciate it. <3

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  3. Senior year!!! That's so exiting. Good luck, I know you'll do great :)

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  4. AHH I CANT BELIEVE WE'RE FINALLY SENIORS!!
    I totally resonate with this. I've always said that I'm so ready to graduate, because I am, in a way. The protective bubble has always seemed like a little bit of a trap to me. There's still a lot of apprehension about the whole graduating thing, though. Going into a new season of life is scary any way you look at it, haha. Anyway, loved this post!!! I think I'm gonna do senior updates on the blog this year too :)

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    1. HOW DID WE GET SO OLD?!?

      It's such a strange mismash of feelings, isn't it? It can be so intimidating, but it's also exciting. Such a weird phase of life.

      You should totally do senior updates! I'd love to read them:)

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  5. GAH THE FEELINGS!!!!! Senior year scares me too, I can't believe we're here.... I wish you all the luck in the world and send you so much love!! <33333

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    1. It's so weird that we're finally here!!! Thank you so much, Abby. I hope that you have the most spectacular senior year!! <3

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  6. I've felt the same way in the past. You'll get through this. It will be a wild ride (every evolving part of our lives are, aren't they?) but you'll come out on the other side a stronger and better person because of it.

    Here's to growth and doing the scary things.

    I would love to follow along on your Senior Year updates. :)

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    1. *HUGS* Thank you so much for this encouragement, Rosie!! It means so much. <3 You're the best!!!

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  7. I feel like the best way to go into any school year is with an open heart, which is what you're doing! You're going to have a great year, Grace! It's one of the best. Going through something similar, but for senior year of college L O L... Definitely keep posting updates, and let me know if you ever wanna chat more about life and senior-ness!

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    1. Oh goodness, senior year of college- that's so exciting!! I hope that it goes absolutely wonderfully for you! I would love to chat sometime:) <3

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  8. You got this, Grace Anne :) I'm so pumped for you and senior year updates would be awesome!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Autumn! You're the best!!

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  9. Omg omg good luck in senior year! I live in a strange place so even though I'm only going into grade ten, it's the year before senior year and thoughts of graduating are starting to daunt me. Make the most of your senior year, remember that some of the negative stuff is part of the growth experience too but make sure to remember all the positive stuff makes it worth it.

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    1. Oh wow, that's crazy! Super exciting though- the year before senior year really is a great one. :) Thank you for that reminder, Oakstar!! I'm excited to see what's in store:)

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  10. Grace Anne, I completely understand how you feel! Senior year (for high school or college) is bittersweet. It's hard, it hurts, but most importantly, it's the year to simply enjoy the last chapter. This book is closing and another will soon begin. Just think of it that way. After all, opening a brand new book is always exciting, right?
    I'm wishing you the best, my dear! I know you can do it! <3

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    1. That is such a wonderful way to look at it, Susan. :) I'm definitely excited to find out the ending of this book, and start the next one. You are such an encouragement to me, thank you! <3

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  11. Senior year is going to be great for you! It was weird for me to realizing that I was almost done with school because it flies by so fast! You are going to do great!

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    1. Thank you so much, Vanessa! It's super weird, but definitely exciting:)

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  12. I know exactly how you are feeling, I was just in your footsteps not to long ago. If I could give one piece of advice to you I have to say just keep your head held high, work hard but most importantly enjoy your last year cause it goes by really fast and you won't notice.

    Samara | themarshallwardrobe.blogspot.com

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    1. That is such great advice, thank you so much, Samara! I really appreciate it:)

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  13. Wow, just wow. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I just couldn't put it into words. Thank you for this. Now I know I'm not alone in how I feel about senior year. c:

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    1. You are definitely not alone! Here's to this adventure:)

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  14. I'm past my senior year, but I can so relate to this feeling of "in-between", being tugged back towards everything that is familiar and cozy, and pulled forward into all the exciting new adventures. For me it's moving out or staying home for just a little while longer ... so good, but so hard all at the same time! Best of luck this year - I know you can do it!

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    1. It's a strange feeling, isn't it? That's a super hard decision- I'll be praying for you! Thank you so much, love!

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  15. Eeep good luck with senior year!! I totally get what you mean about not feeling ready to be done. That was meee.😂 I didn't know what to do when I finished school at all. I hope you have a really good last year at school though!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Cait!! It seems like you've done pretty fabulously post-school ;)

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  16. Grace! I had the same exact fears and anxieties about starting senior year. But my advice to you would be to enjoy every single moment of senior year! It goes by crazy fast and before you know it, you will be in college like me! Take lots of pictures and soak up all of it! I hope you have a wonderful senior year!! If you ever have any questions about senior year or need someone to talk to, I would be happy to help:)

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    1. Thank you so much for your advice, Jasmine! You're so sweet:) I will definitely try to enjoy every moment!!!

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  17. Great post! I wish you luck/blessings as you enter this year!

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  18. Oh man! That's great--senior year! Y'know, one of the neat things about life is that we never know what's coming next, and so every day is an adventure. I'm sure your senior year will be amazing!!!! <3 <3 <3 xoxo
    -Max

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    1. That's definitely one of the fun parts of life! Thank you so much, Maxene!

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  19. Aww Graceeee I believe in you my fren <3

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  20. I'm going to be a senior this year too and I'm kind of nervous about it all. But me, you, and all of the other seniors out there can do this!!
    Have fun in your last year, Grace!!!

    - Maddy | littlebitofsunshineweb.blogspot.com

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    1. WE CAN DO THIS!! I hope that you have a wonderful senior year, Maddy! <3

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  21. YOU GOT THIS GIRL *so many hugs and so many waffles* I can totally relate to that feeling of being lowkey terrified of the future and what it holds and how we have to decide what paths we take and where we want to go...it's all super stressful. xD BUT CAN I JUST SAY THAT I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU and especially that last paragraph about how you want to make good memories and not just be stressed out.... like...CAN I BE YOU. Because I struggle with that so much and I look back on seasons of my life (and look back on THE PRESENT MOMENT it's so weird but you know what I'm saying) and think "gosh, why am I stressing so much about this?? yes, I'm busy, but these are the best days of my life!" SO THAT IS A+++++ ADVICE TO GIVE YOURSELF, DUDE. <3 You are wise beyond your years.

    Go get em. ;)

    love,
    abbiee

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    1. *happily hugs you and sits down so we can have a lovely waffle party together*

      Thank you SO much, Abbie! I totally know what you mean, oh my gosh. I really dwell way too much in the past and, like you said, even feeling like I'm looking back on the present, and it's really just not a good way to live. Here's to making lots of good memories <3<3<3 I LOVE YOU, FRIEND!!!!!

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  22. Aww good luck! I hope you have a good year <3
    https://teenagegirlscibblings.blogspot.com.au/

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